Connor "Unc" Knee

Connor "Unc" Knee is arguably the greatest and most clutch basketball player to ever touch the hardwood. Unc graced the court throughout the 1990s and shortly in the 21st century, dominating throughout his time on the professional level with 4 rings and 2 back to back championships (93, 94, 97, 98). Unc is classified from his distinct cough that plagued him throughout his career - imagine Michael Jordan's "Flu Game" throughout an entire career. Unc averaged 24 ppg, 4 3pm on 47% accuracy, but also has never recorded an assist in a professional game. When questioned about this in '08, he simply stated "Unc don't swing the rock". He is known for his perimeter shooting, as well as his drive and finish underneath; however, his most iconic moment is probably when he shot the game 7 series winning 3 in 94 to go back to back, and famously shouted "WHO THE FUCK CALLED ME UNC?" (nobody called him Unc as he was only 26 in 1994). Unc later claimed that he retired only after Shaq joined the Heat in 2004. He is quoted as saying, "Damn that brother huge". (After Shaq gave him the pass in an exchange to retire).

Boy oh boy where do I even begin. Unc.. honey, my pookie bear. I have loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. The way you drive into the paint and strike fear into your enemies eyes. Your silky smooth touch around the rim, and that gorgeous jumpshot. I would do anything for you. I wish it were possible to freeze time so I would never have to watch you retire.

You had a rough childhood, but you never gave up hope. You are even amazing off the court, you're a great husband and father, sometimes I even call you dad. I forvever dread and weep, thinking of the day you will one day retire. I would sacrifice my ownlife it were the only thing that could puta smile on your beautiful face.

But a tear still fell from my right eye when I watched you win your first ring in 93, because deep down,my glorious king deserved it. 95 and 96 were hard years for us baby, but in 97 you made history happen. You came back from 4-0.

I was crying, bawling even, and I heard my glorious king exclaim these words, "WHO THE FUCK CALLED ME UNC?" Not only have you changed the game of basketball and the world forever, but you've eternally changed my world. And now you're getting older, but still the goat, my goat. I love you pookie bear, my glorious king, Connor "Unc" Knee.