Beer Monster

1. A guy who drinks lots and falls over every available free moment.

2. The evil monster that visits you when you have been on a bender and steals all your money, sends bizarre text messages and offensive e-mails to all your friends, makes all your clothes smell funny, hides your underwear, messes up your house, and then shits in your mouth before leaving.
Also wipes all your memory of the previous night.

By either definition, he's a cunt and you spend all your time apologising for him.

1. I have never seen Rob sober, the guy's a complete Beer Monster.

2. I need to go into town, the Beer Monster stole all my money, <vomits>, maybe later...

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Americanism

Any American-ized word or phrase, such as changing the spelling of words to sound as they mis-pronounce them, using 4 syllables or words where 1 would have sufficed, or inventing a new word or phrase because it sounds nicer (most commonly heard whenever they are 'fighting for peace' again).

Color, Armor, Boro, Aluminum, Leftenant (??), putting Z's instead of S's in words, or using clunky acronyms because they make a meaningful word (Arrogant American Alliance with Rightwing Goverments against Hope!, or Aaargh!)

Weapons Of Mass Destruction (Nukes), The Road Map (Plan), Freedom Fighters (terrorists we like), Terrorists (anyone we don't), Terrorist Suspect (anyone), Liberating <insert name of latest militarily inferior country that has weapons we supplied and something we want> in the Name of Peace and Democracy (slaughter and pillage <name>), Anti-American (anyone who disagrees), Anti-American Activist (anyone that tries to stop us), Our Friends and Allies in Europe (anyone with nukes), 9/11 (oops, apparently having nukes doesn't make you immune to retaliation), Pulling Together in the War for Democracy! (so c'mon England, lets make some NEW enemies!).

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G spot

In men, the prostate, which is only for the adventurous or gay male as it can only be tracked down a couple of inches inside the anus (though not ALL men can find theirs this way).

For the adventurous, here's how to (maybe) find it: Take a crap and cut your nails first (advisable), sit in the bath, lube your middle finger with some soap and insert it carefully into the anus about to the 2nd knuckle, then bend it and aim for the back of your dick. Its easier to find if your dick is erect at the time and feels like a small fleshy doughnut. Find the centre. Press. Stimulate it in a rythymic way and its possible to have an arse orgasm!

Dear Diary, today I found my G-spot, and now I can't get it out of my head that I might have to grow a moustache and learn to walk like Wilma.

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Car Crash Post

Any internet post presented as fact which is then shot down in flames by everyone else on the board, much like Car Crash TV, it's painful to look at, but also quite compelling.

That post where that guy thought he'd invented the phrase 'car crash tv' only to have half the board prove him wrong was a proper car crash post!

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Beer bruises

Mystery bruises caused by a night out with the beer monster, which you have NO MEMORY AT ALL of obtaining.

Particularly impressive when found on the face, possibly from calling Jesus on the porcelain telephone.

Ouch, what the hell was I doing last night!? And where am I? And why is there diced carrot in my hair!?

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