corner kick

Equal parts vodka, Red Bull, and Chambord. Fake an injury while shaking over ice. Strain, and serve as a shot after adding an arbitrary amount of time. Toast while shouting “Goooal!” Finish as a tie.

Congrats on your recent success, Mike! I’m ordering a round of corner kicks to celebrate!

Kratinoff

A celebratory shot composed of a distinguished blend of a fellatial-forward whiskey (distilled in mahogany casks) that is misogynistically blended with pappy aged syrup lacking moral restraint. Shake semi-abusively in an iced Cocktail Shaker for no more than 40 winks. Strain and pour into a 1.5 ounce Kratinoffian glass garnished with erotic humiliation and revolutionary triumph. Serve while chilled.

Congratulations, Brandon. Kratinoffs for everyone to celebrate your success!