The Record

A corrupt newspaper produced by students from St. John's University and the College of St. Benedict in Minnesota. Not only do they spend a lot of the student's tuition money producing worthless content that makes my elementary school paper look like the New York Times, they also do not have any clear writing skills to captivate their audience. Also, whoever writes their headlines must have brain damage.

Recently, they posted a joke edition of their newspaper and, honestly, I could not tell the difference between this paper and their "serious" ones. I happened to have also noticed that they quoted my definition of a "Bennie" in their article about obesity at CSB. I am not sure how this article did not make the "serious" version of the record because this article is without a doubt true. If you want proof, go to Gorecki during one of the feeding times. It is like watching pigs eating out of a slopper, but much less graceful.

The reason why I have to comment on this article is because they misquoted me. They changed my example of "Precious" to "Fat Albert" and took out key parts of the definition like how the Bennies allude to "Benedictine and biblical bullshit" when they are eating. So not only do they talk about worthless information, but they also censor the paper in order to not offend anyone--which is bullshit because if a Bennie was offended, it might try to lose a couple pounds. If the schools knew what was best, they would drop this sorry excuse for a newspaper.

Do you have The Record ?" "No, sorry" "Too Bad, I need something to wipe my ass with."

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