Keira

Ah, Keira, where do I even begin with you? It seems as though Mother Nature had a field day when she created you. Your presence is as underwhelming as a rainy day in a desert. Your intelligence is so lacking, it's a wonder you manage to tie your own shoelaces without assistance. And let's not even get started on your looks. It's as if Picasso himself attempted to paint a portrait of mediocrity and called it Keira. Your face could break a mirror, and your personality could bore a sloth to sleep. Quite frankly, I'm amazed that you've managed to survive this long without someone mistaking you for a garden gnome and placing you in their front yard. But hey, at least you're consistent, consistently disappointing, that is.

Random Person: “Is that Keira?”
Another Random Person: “Where? All I see is a rat.”