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A specific form of dysphoria in which the sufferer desires to fuck everybody, but is so horrifically unattractive that they are incapable of scoring with anybody. The abject failure to achieve wanton promiscuity (i.e. to become a "whore") typically results in the sufferer experiencing feelings of extreme anxiety, sexual frustration, and denial.
"That fugly troll from the bar tried to dry hump me again last night. I told her I wouldn't hit that with a stolen dick, but she doesn't understand 'no'. It's the worst case of dyswhoreia I've ever seen."
Anatomical slang for a set of testicles that are both low-hanging and pendulous, thus resembling the form and motion of a playground tether ball. Can also be used as an informal title for any male with such testicles.
(As anatomical slang): "A hottie said I had tether nuts, which was pretty cool, but then she went Solange and started trying to hit them like a tether ball!"
(As an informal title): "Yo Tether Nuts, would you kindly get some longer shorts? Your crown jewels are on display, if you know what I mean."
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Depending on the context, a "turd embargo" is:
1) A total inability to defecate (i.e. shit) for an extended period of time, or under normal circumstances, because your body has decided to halt the manufacture and exportation of magic butt fudge. Typically caused by diet, drugs, or existential angst. Also known as "severe constipation";
Or
2) Deliberate and systematic exclusion of a specific person from social gatherings because they are obnoxious, loud, creepy, or otherwise socially undesirable, i.e. a "turd".
(Example 1): "Hey Jackhole, there's only 1 bathroom in this bar, and you're holding it up. So take some damned Ex-Lax ; lift the turd embargo!"
(Example 2): "Dude, why didn't you invite my brother to this party?!"
"Because he literally FUCKED my X-Box at the last party, in front of everyone - no foreplay, no lube, not even a god-damn reacharound. It hasn't worked right since then, so he's under a permanent turd embargo."
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A desperate and extreme act of cockblocking, based on the kamikaze principle of self-destruction as an offensive technique. Cockikaze is the act of cockblocking with such power and zeal that you not only prevent others from getting any, but yourself as well. Can also be used as a title for anyone performing a cockikaze act, or as an adjective for extraordinary and reckless cockblocking behavior.
As a noun: "We gotta clear this party out before mom and dad get back. I'm gonna do a cockikaze; the dudes will leave if we can drive all the chicks out; none of them hoes are bangable anyway."
As a title: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! My name is Commander Cockikaze, and I'm licensed and certified in the art of cockblocking. That means I'll be making sure nobody gets laid tonight, myself included!"
As an adjective: "This party is a complete clusterfuck. I had these two hotties on my jock, then some douchebag went totally cockikaze and tried to felch the neighbors' dog, and all the chicks left. Now it's a sausage fest!"
An allusion to anal sex, "baloney" referring to the penetrator's penis and "colonic" referring to the anal penetration itself. Commonly used by men who equate their genitalia with charcuterie and/or processed meat products.
Frat boy 1: "Yo, what was up with that chick you banged last night? She was all vegan and shit!"
Frat boy 2: "Her ass ain't vegan after the baloney colonic I gave her ..."