defecult's pendulum

Function: noun

Etymology: Play on the famously abstruse novel Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco and its title's source, Jean Bernard Leon Foucault's pendulum, a simple pendulum suspended from a long wire and set into motion along a meridian. The plane of motion appears to turn clockwise in the Northern Hemisphere and counterclockwise in the Southern Hemisphere, demonstrating the axial rotation of the earth.

1. the moment of not knowing if poops are dangling or not after a sphincter-numbing bowl movement 2. confusion when the whirl of toilet flush snatches a still-dangling poop from one's anal. See also: defecult.

(BOB EXITS THE BATHROOM)
Sally: How'd it go in there? Defecult?
Bob: God, no. It was even worse this time... more like Defecult's Pendulum.

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Debbie Downer

Etymology: From the Saturday Night Live character Debbie Downer, played by Rachel Dratch

Function: Noun

1. a: a person who says something terribly depressing (a downer), typically only tangentially related to the present circumstance or topic of conversation, and thereby destroys the positive atmosphere. b: a statement that is charactaristic of Debbie Downer

Usage note: In the skit, following each downer Debbie voices, a trombone plays a "wah waaah" (sad trombone) sound effect and the camera zooms in on Debbie Downer's face, which is twisted in comic despair.

Debbie Downer: Hey, does anyone have a banana?

Friend #1: What?

Debbie Downer: Well, if I don't get enough potassium every day, I awaken in the middle of the night by crippling leg cramps.

(higher-pitched wah wahhhhhhh; zoom in)

(everyone looks pissed off)

Debbie Downer: By the way, it's official -- they've located my birth mother. Deceased.

(deeper wah wahhhhhhhh; zoom in on a particularly painful facial expression)

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take a real one

function: verb

1. To 'take a real one' is to have a bowel movement that is particularly forceful or emotionally necessary. The feelings that accompany 'taking a real one' are typically frustration, surprise, and/or anger. To 'take a real one' is to figuratively unload a pile of feces onto a situation which bears no other possible reaction. 'Taking a real one' also implies that you can't even mentally just imagine crapping on something, you are are so annoyed that it is literally forcing a big load of pants-pudding from your agitated lower intestine.

1. I can't deal with this any more. I'm going to go take a real one.

2. Oh for the love of Pete! I just lost my entire thesis. Thanks a lot Microsoft Word! This makes me want to take a real one.

3. For the entire movie, all I could think about was taking a real one.

4. I'd prefer to take a real one rather than stay at this bar for another second.

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rooting for truffles

Function: verb

Etymology: term originally associated with truffle-hunting sows, who use their snouts to nuzzle the precious fungus from the earth. Pigs communicate their sexual availability to other pigs via the steroid that truffles contain.

1. the sexual act normally associated with cunnilingus involving the rubbing of one's nose against one's partner's clitoris 2. to perform such an act

Sally: Hey dude what's up with your nose? Are you getting a cold or something?
Mark: Nah I was up all night rooting for truffles.
Sally: Whoa, your girlfriend is one lucky gal!

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carolineism

function: noun
etymology: Eponym after Caroline Contillo who has achieved questionable local fame for coining words and phrases that surprisingly get incorporated into common New York parlance

1. a term coined by or popularized by Caroline Contillo

some carolineisms currently listed on urbandictionary.com are: sad trombone, Debbie Downer, and take a real one. also of note: to be "h".

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sad trombone

Function: noun

1. Describes the sound made by a trombone to illustrate a depressing statement, action, or moment. "Wah waah". Pioneered on the SNL skit Debbie Downer.

Tad: Bjorn, did you show Nell those pictures of your new kitten?
Bjorn: I don't think so. Nell, would you like to see the pictures I have of Sir Fluffles?
Nell: Oh, Bjorn, I can't bear to look at pictures of cats -- they only make me think of watching my own Mr. Snowflake waste away due to the effects of Feline Leukemia.
Tad: Wow... sad trombone!

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