Scottish

Peculiar sub-species of Homo Sapiens, known for its ugliness and garolousness. The typical Scottish 'person' will exhibit excessive amounts of freckles, hair ranging from dark ginger to fair ginger and display a penchant for wearing either a woolen skirt with no underwear to show off their non-existent bollocks or (lately) shiny designer sportswear bought on the cheap from the back of a van. The last point is pertinent as this species is renowned for its tightness- although one can assume that it is neccessary if one is to spend all their money on cheap booze.

Apart from this, they exhibit a preference for eating sheeps intestines with a side order of chips with salt and vinegar-oops, my bad- salt with chips and vinegar. This can be substituted with anything deep fried, such as mars bars and bannanas.

Their means of communication is by manipulating vocal chords with phlegm and some form of internal biological sandpaper to produce a harsh sound that can best be described as magpie meets jackhammer. Their musical tastes are similiarly harsh and extended exposure would cause most normal humans to have a brain hammeorage.

If one is spotted on the street, it is advisable to keep one distance as the creature is a) inebriated+on heroin and b) suffering from a massive inferiority complex bought about by its crudeness and lack of social skills, which causes extreme xenophobia and the likelihood of ass-raping any species not of its own genre.

Human 1: I saw this strange red haired creature yesterday. It smelled like a distillery and was attempting to ass-rape a sheep whilst emitting strange nasal grunts
Human 2: Oh, it was probably a Scottish man trying to score some haggis

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