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a fucktion is referring to an event with a designated time and place for fornication.
Person 1: "Are you going to our high school reunion on Friday?"
Person 2: "I wouldn't miss that fucktion for anything in the world."
Person 1: "Oh yeah, I can't wait to see all of those divorcees... It's gonna be a high-class fucktion!"
An Alzheimer's Purchase is when you buy something online that takes so long to be delivered, you forgot you ordered it in the first place.
Girl: You like my necklace?
Boy: That's very nice! Where did it come from?
Girl: I bought it online, but it took so long to get here, I forgot about it.
Boy: Nice Alzheimer's Purchase!
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When a customer calls the helpdesk with a problem, complaining that something doesn't work, and the technician asks the user to demonstrate the issue, the issue seems to not exist when the technician is watching. When the issue seems resolved without the technician doing anything, the user then gets frustrated or angry because it didn't work moments ago.
Technician: Hello, thank you for calling the help desk. How may I assist you?
User: I'm trying to log into this application, but it keeps kicking me back to the log in screen... I tried 5 times now.
Technician: I'll be glad to help, I'm going to connect to your computer... Please try it again.
User: Fine, but it's NOT going to work.
*With the technician watching, the application works as expected, and the user logs in.*
User: What the hell?? This hasn't worked all day!!
Technician: Must be the Aura of I.T.! Applications are afraid to fail around us.