Nana

The sweetest lady you will ever meet. Gives the best cuddles, makes the best muffins. Creates the most special cards. Loves her family beyond measure. Puts up with Russell.

Random guy at Knoxfield shops: “Who’s that lady over there?”
“Oh that’s my Nana, she’s the best!”

I have drugs in my bag!

When you Dad goes on a trip to China and thinks it’s a good idea to tell every authority that he has drugs in his bag.

Airline customs official minding his own business: “Ni Hao.”
My dad: “I have drugs in my bag!”

The Charleton

A style of dance generally performed by an individual after dark. It is a convulsive full body thrust often accompanied with sweep the floor. If not done right, could cause serious harm to self and others.

Spike: “Hold my beer, it’s time!”.
Jade: “Do you think it’s a bit early? We haven’t even had dessert.”
Spike: “It’s never too early for the Charleton. Form a circle and Stand back”.

Golden Child

First born child, always funny in his mum’s eyes, does nothing around the house besides getting in the way, PlayStation connoisseur.

Currently employed at the local private hospital, working as medical records eye candy/bitch. Mum is so proud as usual.

Mum: ‘Where’s my golden child?’
Everyone else: ‘He’s snorting a line off a Kmart plate.
Mum: ‘That’s my boy!’

5👍 6👎

Mud slide

When you leave a tough mudder for too long and your shit starts running like the lava that killed millions in Pompeii.

Campbell: “Hey crystal, are you feeling ok?”
Crystal: “I don’t think so. I ate something last night that didn’t agree with me. I feel like im about to take a mud slide to the gates of hell!”

Eliza

Twin 2. The Liza in Charliza. Funny, random, loyal and loving. Eliza is an ambitious, fast talking gal who ‘sings’ like Adele and ‘dances’ like Beyoncé. Eats dinner for breakfast and puts cheese on everything! Speeds like an F1 driver and dishes demerit points to family members. Easily triggered, click your fingernails and she will cut you. Most likely child to wipe parent’s bums in old age. Best footballer in the family. Loved by all who know her.

Random person: ‘Who’s that over there with the epic resting bitch face? She just ate a whole wheel of cheese!’

‘On that’s Eliza. She’s the best.’

Mud in the Nud

When you are taking a dump and your blood is boiling so much that you need to strip to bring your core temperature down to save you from passing out and causing undue embarrassment.

Max: “Jack what are you doing? Put your clothes back on while you are taking a shit!”
Jack: “I can’t help it. I’m so hot and sweaty that I feel like I’m gonna pass out.

Max: “At least close the door if your gonna dump a Mud in the Nud!”