andrew

A god amongst men, there are few people truly worthy to be bestowed with the name Andrew. Women want him, and men want to be him. He's the life of a party, even if he's not invited. Andrew is capable of great feats, not just in the bedroom, although he is a consummate lover, but sometimes just out of spite.

Andrews can typically stop a rampaging bull with a strong, frank punch to the face, yet be as gentle as a mother doe to her fawn. He's the stuff of legends. Songs are written about him, plays a penned, entire. He can steal hearts with a glance, moisten panties with a breath, and command loyalty with a snap of the fingers.

In short, Andrew is the man to be and the man to beat, but few are capable to fill his shoes and fewer still can best him.

Dude, Andrew showed up, this party doesn't suck to be at any more!

Hey, Andrew, can I have copious amounts of sex with you?

Andrew, terrorists hijacked a bus full of nuns! We need your help!

Andrew is my favorite customer. He pays with exact change.

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Michigan

It's a state of bitter, cocksure alcoholic former blue-collar laborers who can't find decent jobs because Michigan is an economic black-hole. It snows alot, and when it doesn't snow it's extremely fucking hot or ball-shrinkingly cold. Crime runs rampant in its urban centers and life just plain sucks in its small towns due to boredom. There are a lot of lakes, dunes and forests, but people from Michigan couldn't give two fucks about them because they are everywhere, and Michiganders have better things to do like drink and worry about paying bills they have no money for. Naturally, morons from out of state flock in droves to look at things that really aren't that interesting.

Michiganders are divided into two groups: Michiganders and Yoopers. Michiganders are like as described before. Yoopers are essentially Canadians, and basically not human. The only thing a Michigander hates more than other Americans and foreigners are Yoopers. Yoopers are too stupid and inbred to consider hating anyone else because they live happy-go-lucky lives as lumberjacks and have sex with their sisters and occasionally a beaver. Yoopers are very proud of themselves despite having little to be proud of, and call southerners "trolls" because they live "under da bridge, don'tcha know." Michiganders seethe with rage about this, but can't do anything about it because the logic is infallible in a retarded sort of way, and also beating up a Yooper is much like striking a child; fun, but frowned upon.

Michigander: "What the fuck are you so happy about?"
Californian: "I live in a state with nice weather and jobs."
Michigander: "Go fuck yourself!"

Yooper: *unintellible sing-songy nonsense that sounds like Canadian*
Michigander: "Goddamn Yoopers."

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