Random
Source Code
Random
To watch the American lifeguard-inspired drama 'Baywatch' for the sole aim of masturbation
'So I was having a masturbaywatch to Pamela Anderson last night when, on the vinegar strokes, the camera panned to David Hasselhoff. As I understand, this now means that I must be a raging homosexual. Do you know where I can catch a matinee of 'Mamma Mia' and follow it up with some good old-fashioned sodomy so as to assimilate effectively with my newfound kin?'
Constipated or bunged up.
'Dude, this defecate deficit is still going strong- I've eaten a kilo of prunes and still no joy. The poor toilet is going to look like Hiroshima when it does finally come. Desperate times require desperate measures so I'm thinking I probably need to gouge it out with a long narrow implement. That reminds me, you should buy a new toothbrush..'
1. An ornament of religious origin that traditionally sits atop a Christmas tree
2. To get your pine so far up an angelic looking girl's clacker that she starts seeing circles
'Hey bro, you know that hot nun from the convent? Well I bought her a couple of mulled wines last night before taking her home and making her into a Christmas Angel. If fucking a nun doesn't clear up these herpes then surely nothing will.
29π 1π
A full-blown, several-sandwiches-short-of-a-picnic specialist whose mental retardation is so debilitatingly extreme that they are forced to live in the backyard. This living arrangement is usually necessitated by the high risk of poisoning through licking the toxic cleaning products off the windows, should said backyard spactard remain indoors.
Liverpool put in a good showing in the Champion's League Final the other night. If it hadn't been for Karius goalkeeping like a backyard spactard, they might have won the game. I knew he'd be shit the day he signed for the club using his favourite crayon..
4π 1π
Similar to an unauthorised day in lieu, where one spends the day in a work cubicle playing phone games, searching for porn and thinking about urban dictionary definitions.
Boss: 'Are you taking another day in loo then, David?'
David: 'How'd you know, Boss?'
Boss: 'Partly because you missed the big meeting, but mainly cause you're absolutely covered in jizz, you reprobate'
Absolutely, unequivocally shitfaced.
Luke: ''Look at Harry- he's so spastamacunted that he's basically become a puddle; I honestly can't tell where he ends and the vomit and semen begins.''
Harry: ''Please, I'm not drunk- I've been raped and have a head injury- I need a doctor''
Luke: ''Classic Harry- always joking around, covered in jizz''
The pubic hair surrounding, and often intruding onto the male phallus.
Jane: 'Wow, Johnny, I like what you've done with your frankfurter foliage; the braids look great'
Johnny: 'Thanks Jane, I thought you'd like them. Now, if you wouldn't mind, please continue sucking and let's keep the rest of the small talk until after the vinegar strokes. I'm paying you by the hour and every time you talk I am forced to look at you and be reminded about how utterly repulsive you actually are.'