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London's underground system. A very convenient way to get around central London. However it is incredibly expensive especially when compared with the Paris Metro, and liable to strikes from lazy bastard london underground staff. It is the oldest underground train system in the world which also means its shite. Over crowding is a serious problem and none of the carriages are air conditioned. The tube is fun if you are a tourist but if you use it everyday to get to and from work it is a nightmare. For fun try London Bridge or Bank on the Northern line at around 5:30-6:00 on a week night. Victoria at about 8:30am is also a good one. Be prepared to sweat to inhuman levels and have your face wedged in a fat bastard's armpit. Amusing once, not so much every single goddamn day. One of the many joys of working in London.
Warren: How shall we get there?
Wilma: I know, lets take the tube.
Kieren: Are you kidding me? It stinks like butt sludge and is packed with undesirables. Lets take the bus.
Samson: Are you mental? The buses are shit too, and the traffic is terrible.
Warren: Yeah, all the transport is crap and really expensive, lets just stay in and get fucked up.
Kieren: Much better idea, and we'll order in some hookers from Soho.
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Referring to a lady's breasts which are utterly saggy. These breasts will normally face directly downwards and resemble empty plastic bags. They are most commonly found on old women and pictures of African tribes women who have never heard of a bra and have breast fed 58 infants.
Dave: That bird you pulled last night had nice tits.
Sam: Whatever dude, when I got her bra off they fucking hit the ground. She totally had a pair of sweepers. They were like skin flaps. Seen better tits on the birds in the Amdipmamam tribe.
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Derogatory term for a woman's vagina as it is effectively a tube into which the male member is inserted.
Dave: So mate, do you think you'll get any action tonight?
Warren: Dunno dude but as we're going to that complete meat market of a club tonight there should be plenty of sluts their whose fuck tubes need plugging.
Dave: Yeah man, you gotta violate those fucking fuck tubes!
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The Cost Per Insertion, referring to the price required in order to complete intercourse with someone of the opposite sex. Normally worked out by adding overheads such as meals, cinema tickets, travel etc. then dividing by the number of times one has had sex with that person. A low CPI obviously denotes a slut while a high one denotes a high maintenance girlfriend or expensive hooker.
Dave: What you're girlfriend like?
Sam: Well she's certainly no cheap slut, with a CPI of 120 quid I may as well get a hooker.
Dave: Yeah, my bird's much better, CPI of 20 and I get to take her up the shitpipe.
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When a man puts his finger up his bum then into another guy ear
This guy just gave me a wet Chas
When someone one never get in a drink in
Where Dave not here is it not his turn to get a drink in he such a bobby d