Random
Source Code
Random
noun, verb, Madoffed, Madoffing.
âverb
1. To scam and completely screw over someone financially, especially in cases where a Ponzi scheme is involved.
-noun
2. A person who scams and screws over other people financially often with the use of a Ponzi scheme.
Example 1 (verb):
Guy 1: "He told me it was a good investment so I put all my money into it. It turns out the guy was a crook running a Ponzi scheme. My whole life savings is gone."
Guy 2: "Man! He Madoffed you good!"
Example 2 (noun):
Guy 1: "A couple months ago I gave him a thousand bucks."
Guy 2: "Why? Are you retarded?"
Guy 1: "He said his grandma was in the hospital and he really needed the money. Plus he said he'd pay me back in a week. It's been three months now and he still hasn't paid me back."
Guy 2: "You should have known he was a Madoff. You know he spent all that money on crack the same day you gave it to him."
96👍 28👎
-noun
Apple's latest and greatest invention... a sanitary pad that also has the capability to serve as a wireless hotspot. It features ultra absorbency as well as WPA2 encryption for ultimate protection.
Example 1:
"With the iPad for once people WILL want to hang around you when you're PMS'ing."
-Women's Product Council of America
Example 2:
Guy #1: "Janet always havin' serious PMS around that time of the month. It sucks yo. She always yellin' at me an' shit."
Guy #2: "Yeah? Well my Leslie does too, but she uses the iPad so while she is yelling at me I just watch YouTube videos on my laptop."
47👍 30👎
ânoun
1. An extremely powerful weather storm generally classified in one of three classifications (class 1, class 2, or class 3) with class 3 being the most powerful
2. A blizzard of epic proportions, usually resulting in school cancellations
Example 1:
Guy: That killstorm we had the other night really wrecked my yard. I found my grill in my neighbor's driveway, my newspaper in a storm drain, and my cat in the chimney.
Example 2:
Young kid: Dad, I heard there is supposed to be a class 3 killstorm tonight. Alright! No school tomorrow! Looks like you'll have to stay home and babysit me.
Dad: Son of a bitch! I'll call in to work and tell them nature has screwed me over again. Dammit!
Example 3 (From The Simpsons):
Kent Brockman: The National Weather Service has upgraded Springfield's blizzard from "Winter Wonderland" to a "Class 3 Kill-Storm"!
Marge: I don't like the sound of that "class 3".
ânoun
1. A fart someone blasts an instant before the ball drops so that the fart exists in two calendar years.
Bill: Did you hear that Jeremy blasted a fart from 2010 to 2011?
Steve: Holy shit! For real?
Bill: Yeah, he started farting just before the ball dropped.
Steve: Ohhhhhh... a New Years Fart.
Bill: Of course... What'd you think I meant? He actually farted through 365 consecutive calendar days? You're such a dumbass.
After seeing Robocop I and II, I felt compelled to see the third one, but it turns out Robocrap wasn't so good.
11👍 1👎
Someone with a useful set of skills, especially a rare sought-after talent, that is completely useless because they are drunk all the time.
Example 1:
Rumpelstiltskin: I'm here to spin all that straw into gold and save the miller's daughter. Hey, do you have any meds for a headache? I have a killer hangover.
Miller's friend: Dude, you smell like booze. Also, she's dead already. The King hanged her on Sunday.
Rumpelstilskin: Awwww, noooo! Really!? But I can spin the straw into gold like the King wants.
Miller's friend: That would have been useful 3 days ago when you said you'd be here.
Rumpelstiltskin: Aw man. I'm so sorry. I feel so bad about this.
Miller's friend: Yeah. Nice job, Drunkelstiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: I feel so bad. I need a drink.
Example 2:
John: I need some help with my Calculus homework. Do you know anyone that is taking Calculus this semester?
Bob: Well, that dude over there has a Ph.D in Mathematics. I'm sure he could help you.
John: A Ph.D, seriously? Where is he!?
Bob: He's that guy over there in the recliner chair.
John: You mean that passed out guy sitting in the chair with barf dripping down the arm of the chair?
Bob: Yep. That's him. Drunkelstiltskin is a fuckin' math genius!
John: ...
The cat was getting better as her explosive diarrhea had gone away and improved to minorrhea.
3👍 1👎