Cornered and Cornholed

When you attempt, and ultimately, fail, to prevent a gang of bearded, mushroom-penised inmates from overpowering and rectally violating you in the prison store room.

*Watching the butt-flogging montage in The Shawshank Redemption*

"Man, there goes Andy with his broom again. You'd think he was the only piece of ass in all of Shawshank."

"Yeah, these butt cowboys have already cornered and cornholed this dude a dozen times."

Cabbage Night

The night mom cooks cabbage for the whole family and, as a consequence, turns their digestive tracts into a nuclear fart factory, the gas of which permeates the entire household and forces everyone to tear open their windows like delirious fugitives, turn on their fans and spray enough cucumber melon body spray to choke a horse.

*in a sing-song style*

"Yes, it's cabbage night...and my ass ain't feelin' right."
*sprays some cucumber body spray*
*toilet flushes*
*windows open all over the house*

4👍 10👎