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A kind of legitimised "pick-an-asshole" competition held in certain countries that have democratic tendencies. In this "election", a bunch of worthless bastards who wouldn't know a moral if it kicked them in the nuts and danced around them singing "I'm a moral", lie through their teeth and kiss babies in an effort to suck at the public teat for another 3-4 years. Elections are characterised by weasels sticking their faces in front of cameras on a daily basis, a media frenzy that resembles dropping a steak into a piranha tank, and chronic voter nausea as they are forced to decide yet again between a potential disaster and a proven failure. Luckily, watching elections hasn't made me bitter about them...
Person 1: Dude, did you watch the election coverage?
Person 2: No, I thought it would save time if I just sat on a stool and repeatedly hit my dick with a metal ruler.
Person A: Hey, I really think that that candidate is going to represent the people and make an important difference in how the country is run.
Person B: Nurse! Up this man's medication at once! He's delusional.
Person 3: Hey, I'm thinking of running for election.
Person 4: Fuck off and die, leech scum!
286π 262π
A state of being created by a benevolent deity in order that man may experience the twin pleasures of beer and sex. Although it has been postulated that team sports and a good testicle-scratch constitute two of the pillars of life, the true meaning is in fact just beer and sex. Be advised, however, that it is not simply a matter of drinking as much beer and having as much sex as you can; these actions alone lead to spiritual imbalance and sundry unwholesome disorders of the body. The quality of the beer and the awesome-ness of the sex matter every bit as much as the acts themselves. Well it behooves you then to master the zen of a life of beer and sex. Be aware that many people never fully comprehend the simple purity of the way, as they stagger from one meaningless relationship to another, often sinking into a debased state in which wine, exotic cheeses, opera, and other devices of Satan are appreciated. What then, you ask, is the true path to righteousnous? What should man aspire to in life? The tao of beer and sex is explicit about this. Drink ye of good quality beer, that it's amber goodness may invigorate and pleasure you, and strive towards a relationship with a pair of bi-sexual women. Bi-sexual twins are the real jackpot, of course, and any man attaining this nirvana of relationships will be pointed out in the street and viewed with an almost religious awe by other men. In summary then, remember that the key to solving all of life's varied problems lies in the bottom of a glass, or looks smashing in a skimpy black evening dress.
Person 1: I feel lost and hopeless, adrift in a sea of depression.
Priest: Oh for goodness' sake, be a man. Find yourself a babelicious chick, get smashed, and do her and her sister.
Person 1: Wow! It's all so clear now...
Female: My Mum said that life is a bowl of roses.
Male : Your mother is an idiot. Now get naked and fetch me a beer...
288π 199π
Basically, women who are attracted to women in a sexual way. Lesbians can be broken into two groups, the "good" type of lesbian, and the "bad" type of lesbian. The two groups are defined as follows:
1. The "good" sort of lesbians are the cute ones featured on websites around the world. Well-groomed and babelicious, these lesbians look fantastic smeared in baby oil, jelly, cream, etc, and don't view men as exploitative bastards who should all be castrated and then choked to death with their severed naughty bits.
2. The "bad" sort of lesbian, i.e. any chick who likes her vice versa and isn't prepared to put on some sort of floor show for the lads. Included in this group are the lesbians who would do a floor show if asked, but are never asked to do so because most guys don't want their eyeballs seared out of their heads by the sight of something resembling Jabba the Hut raping a walrus. Also belonging to this group is your average university feminist who is a lesbian not so much because she is attracted to women, but rather because she's so fucked up that she thinks that all men are just vicious animals who would rape you as soon as look at you. This group tend to have crew cuts and huge Doc Martin boots, and usually belong to some feminist/socialist/fruitcake organisation(s).
Person A: Man, I saw the cutest lesbian chicks on suicidegirls.com last night. They were the goods!
Person B: Better than the ones I saw in the bar last night. Man, I was feeling really intimidated until some Japanese guy harpooned them and dragged them outside.
Lesbian 1: Hey, let's do the decent thing and put on a floor show for those guys over there.
Lesbian 2: But we aren't very attractive...
Lesbian 1: That doesn't matter, I just want the attention.
Watching Guy: Argggghhhh! My eyes! My eyes!
Chick: Men are just sexist, exploitative pigs who have spent recorded history suppressing women.
Guy : I didn't know you were a lesbian.
Chick: That's because you're an insensitive asshole!
Guy : Any chance of a floor show?
249π 816π
The really annoying unconscious twitching of the eyelid of either one or both eyes caused by heavy fatigue. It is not a painful condition, but the twitching does become very annoying over time. The only cure is regular deep sleep over a number of days. Called gamer's eye because so many gamers experience it after spending day after day sitting up until 2am playing Counter-Strike (or WOW, or some other game), then getting up at the usual time to attend work/school/college/etc.
Person 1: Man, I've been playing Counter-Strike for three days straight and now I've got the worst case of gamer's eye. Look closely, can you see my eyelid twitching?
Person 2: You are such a geek. You should switch to World of Warcraft; it kicks CS's ass!
Person 3: Dude, you know I can't play WOW; I'm heterosexual!
70π 17π
Uber-gay. So gay your testosterone level drops just looking at it. Note that this phrase can be used to describe anything, either human or object, that is very gay-looking.
Person 1: So, what do you think of my new shirt?
Person 2: Nice colours. It's gayer than a bag of penises, dude.
Person A: Have you met the new guy? What's he like.
Person B: Pretty fruity, mate. He's gayer than a bag of penises.
123π 40π
Basically, a term by which insecure freaks describe various other people, as a way of explaining depression and anxiety caused by their own insecurities. Characteristics of people prone to identify psychic vampires are:
1. Goths and other freakish ass-clowns who dress in black and think that writing bad poetry makes them "deep".
2. Insecure manic depressives who think that they couldn't possibly be depressed because they are worthless gits, therefore it must be those pesky "psychic vampires" again.
Person 1: Hey that guy is a real psychic vampire. I always feel drained and depressed when I'm around him.
Person 2: Perhaps it's time you got a life and stopped being a self-obsessed ass-goblin.
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Person 1: Help! The guy with me is a real psychic vampire!
Person 2: Hey, I didn't know you'd become a goth.
Person 1: Sure. Would you like to hear some bad poetry?
142π 181π
In an election, the process whereby elegible citizens submit their choice for the person/party who gets to exploit them for the next 3-4years. People will often get wildly enthusiastic about which dishonest piece of crap they're going to "vote" for this time around, completely forgetting their previous experiences with politicians, which resembled nothing so much as being simultaneously mugged, insulted and assraped. If voting could change things, it would be illegal.
Person 1: Dude, are you voting today?
Person 2: No, this time around I thought I'd just save time and ask a Hell's Angel to beat me up and rob me.
Candidate: And will you be voting for me today, sir?
Voter : Why yes I am! Here, let me bend over this chair so that you can more conveniently assrape me...
182π 26π