Hot pan

You wrap someone's head in saran wrap, squat over them as they lay on their back and take a dump on their face.

Instead of a Cleaveland steamer she wanted a hot pan.

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spec-turd

A person who is not "in-the-know" or lacks knowledge about the technical specifications (specs) of any particular electronic device or computer programming.

Wally: Say I just bought that Samsung Blu-ray player for $399, it's the cheapset I've seen so far.

Chuck: Your such a "spec-turd" Wally, that Sammy lacks the latest interactive features and is not technically up to spec. Why do you think it went on sale for? They want to get rid of them.

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