Scrambled Porn

If you were alive in the 80s and 90s, you enjoyed watching scrambled porn as a child.

You see, pornography used to be broadcast on a thing called "cable television." But, not just anyone could watch it. You had to pay extra for that. If you didn't, the pornographers would "scramble the signal" which resulted in the channel displaying trippy and occasionally beautiful colors garnished with a fleeting nipple or better. The audio was also scrambled, and sounded like aggressive static spiked with moans.

Boys, it was awesome, and not in an erotic way per se. It seems silly to reflect on it, on my self, to see it in writing. Nonetheless, scrambled porn represents was a more human, more authentic time. And, I, for one, am honored to bear this priceless 90s artifact unto our posterity.

I was having a sleepover at my buddy's house, but I had to go home so I could jerk-off because we were watching scrambled porn.