Purple Jizz Monkey

A Purple Jizz Monkey is the overly complex drink ordered by the d-bag in front of you at a crowded bar. Often served as a shooter, this drink is characterized by its convoluted and redundant ingredients, and is almost always ordered with 4 or 5 other equally impossible drinks. When the fuck-ram in front of you orders a Purple Jizz Monkey, this invariably delays your drink purchase by several minutes, and the chick you were talking to before you went to get drinks is probably already fucking some townie.

“Thanks a lot, Melvin, you took like 20 minutes to get our drinks and now we’re all sober.”
“Dude in front of me ordered like 5 purple jizz monkeys, my hands were tied.”

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Horsemeat Sandwich

An extreme variation of roast beef or meat curtains; a horsemeat sandwich is often characterized by distinctive public hair. Excessive length of the labia renders shaving the area difficult or downright impossible. The horsemeat appearance stems from an anomalous protrusion of the inner lips from the labia majora. It's gross.

I heard Katey's rockin' a horsemeat sandwich; whatever you do, don't go down on her.

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Magic Dickskin

A funnier/sleazier way of saying "no condom."

Option: You pretend to roll it on, like in those Trojan Ecstasy commercials where the dude with the white gloves pantomimes putting on a condom when there is nothing there. If you are drunk enough, the next morning you might have actually tricked yourself into believing that you wore a condom.

"That chick was a little sketchy, did you wrap it up?"

"Yup, I used the trusty old magic dickskin!"