Bleach

What I want to drink when I think about the following things.
Milenials having children, the future of America, stupid new age baby names (Seriously, who names their child Tyce), my chances of succeeding in life, America under Trumps rule, Kanye actually winning in 2020, how futile my vote is considering the completely unnecessary electoral college, the living conditions of the North Korean people, the fact that every day I walk into school I need to pray it’s not the day a school shooter stops by for a quick how do you do.

Person 1:”I was thinking about new age baby names, where’s the bleach.”
Person 2:”We’re our after your last session.”
Person 1:”God damnit.”

Ninja Sex Party

Proof that music isn’t dead yet.
Ninja Sex Party is a band formed by well known comedian Danny Avidan, and Brian Wecht. Just about every one of their songs includes incredibly sexual themes and lyrics and it’s amazing, final oppinion, amazing band, great people, great music.

Person 1:”Hey dude, did you listen to the new Ninja Sex Party album.”
Person 2:”Hell yeah man, just like the others it was amazing.”
Person 3:”Oh I don’t listen to that crap, I listen to real music, like Kanye.”
Person 1:”No one would blame us if he killed him.”
Person 2:”Agreed.”

Vegetarian

A variant of the “Vegan” species they actually tend to be rather respectful from my experiences, and are much less insufferable than the extreme “Vegans”

Friend:”Hey I’m going out for a burger, would you like one”
Vegetarian friend:”No thanks, I’m a VEGETARIAN. but you can eat whatever you want, it’s just your lifestyle choice.”
Friend:”That’s cool.”