Life Envy

Bumping into someone from school and asking them what they do now.

And then they say something like "I am an architect" or "I am a doctor" or "I can actually tie my shoelaces" etc.

And they ask you what you do now and you spontaniously claim to be an astronaut or the queen's personal funk advisor.
But all you have really been doing for the last three years is sitting in a dark room and crying and eating pies.

This is life envy

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

StrAro

When you are originally straight but have realised you are an A-Romantic. Don't confuse this with not finding the right person yet, (in that case you need to look harder) but you will know when you are StrAro. Trust me.

*Walks in to fancy dining room with angry parents expecting you to have a boyfriend*
Angry-ass mother: So, Where is your boyfriend?
You: Actually, I'm StrAro.

*Mother practically disowns you*

Beer-vana

A sudden certainty after drinking large quantities alcohol that you can fix your life.

You: All i need to do is learn a guitar, buy a cattery and stop flushing letters from the debt collection agency down the toilet without reading them.

Brain: Come on, grow up just buy a fucking shredder

This is beer-vana

Smidgable

Something or someone who is just too cute. This is often said around children and infants (especially with super chubby cheeks) People use this word to describe how cute something or someone is and how much they wanna just squeeze their cheeks off!

OH, MY GOD, SHE IS SO CUTE! HER CHEEKS ARE JUST SO SMIDGABLE

Rupert

This is a small creature who is invisible. He starts whispering stuff in your brain somewhere around the age of 25. Helpful comments to the effect of "Ahh, video games and pornography again, another success for wenesday. Dad's gonna be REALLY proud now!"

"Ahh more games and hentai this time? Perfect for a weekend"

-Rupert

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Joblivion

The endless process of going to interviews you hate for careers you don't want.

Interviewer: So, tell me a bit about yourself..
You: I am a people person
Interviewer: And how do you think you benifit the company?
You: I am a people person.
Interviewer: I see, so tell me why exactly you want to work for Macgyver's Shit Sandwiches, Sandwiches Made Of Authentic Human Shit?
You: FUCK

This is Joblivion

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Grimsomnia

The nightly ritual of trying to sleep and just when you're about to drift off, you suddenly recall eveey embarrassing thing you ever did in high resolution.

"Hey, I know you're tired but remember when you wrote out that short but anatomically specific rant about checking yourself for testicular lumps but you opened the wrong window on your phone and accidentally sent it to your elderly piano teacher?"
-Brain

This is grimsomnia

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