Hoboken Squat Cobbler

When a fully clothed person sits in a pie (or other cake like pastry) and commences to weep like a little girl. Squat Cobblering is usually engaged in by ugly, bald, middle aged men, who usually have some form of what appears to be mild autism. Said mild autism may manifest itself in an childlike, irrational and downright creepy obsession with baseball cards.

Did you see the back of his pants? He either crapped'em, or Hoboken Squat Cobbler'd a chocolate cake.