twitterast

A twit (i.e. twitter user) who tweets inappropriate sexual innuendo @minors. Also known as a #twitterphile or #twitterjohn.

Two reasonable people, out to lunch:
Person A -- Did you see that #twittersex Alan was creeping on that 14-year old?
Person B -- Yeah, he's such a #twitterast

Pedophire

A vampire who hits on high school girls, because he's a creeper.

Person 1: Did you read Twilight?
Person 2: No. I don't like pedophire porn. Also the writing makes my eyes bleed.

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decoy shoes

Shoes you wear to a public bathroom when you expect to take a spectacular, noisy, or painful bowel movement, so that other bathroom users can't identify you by your feet.

Person A -- I've got to leave work early today.
Person B -- Why?
Person A -- I ate Chipotle for lunch and I forgot to pack my decoy shoes.