Canada's History

1. Sex with Stephen Colbert, or masturbating to a sexual fantasy involving Stephen Colbert.

2. Sexual acts using maple syrup as a lubricant; so named because it is often a very memorable experience.

3. The term for a group of sex acts so depraved that even to describe them to a consenting adult in the privacy of your home amounts to a violation of censorship laws.

4. The term given to a case history of someone who suffers from a rare sexual disorder resulting from their involvement in sex acts perpetrated by officials employed by the Canadian government during the late 1990's and early 2000's.

1. Your friend: Do you fantasize about Jon Stewart?
You: Sure, Jon Stewart is great. But tonight I feel the only thing that's really going to hit the spot is a little lesson in "Canada's History" (wink, wink).

2. Your friend: What did you do last night?
You: I gave my girl a bit of Canada's History she won't soon forget!

3. We were feeling especially naughty, so we talked about Canada's History all night.

4. Psychiatrist 1: I really wanted to help that poor man, but I had no choice but to tell him that our clinic could not assist him in any way.
Psychiatrist 2: Why not?
Psychiatrist 1: He was afflicted with Canada's History.
Psychiatrist: Those syrup-sucking bastards...

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