Muffin

A muffin is a human female who engages in inauthentic friendly interactions with other parties despite having largely neutral or out right ill-will towards said parties. A muffin commonly expresses to these parties that she is a true "BFF" or that she would later like to "hang out". No further evidence of "BFF" status is ever provided. Appointments to "hang out" are either solidified and later dropped by the muffin, or more routinely never given a concrete date and time. Other common attributes of muffins inclue: Saccharine insincerity, talking badly of others behind their backs despite being kind to them in person, and Facebook pictures which involve the thrusting forward of one's bosom in an awkward attempt to posture attractively.

(Actual Interaction between a PERSON and a MUFFIN as recorded at a college town social event 9/25/2010)
MUFFIN: Oh, hi there. I haven't seen you in like forever.
PERSON: Oh, hi. How are you doing?
MUFFIN: I am doing so great. Isn't this the coolest place in the world? This is my favorite place to go ever.
PERSON: Yeah, it's alright I guess. How have you be-
MUFFIN: Remember when we took that absolutely awful class with that professor who smelled like old Rice Krispies. That class was so stupid.
PERSON: Uh, yeah, I guess.
MUFFIN: You know what? We should hang out. Seriously, you were like my best friend in that class. We were practically like sisters. We gotta do something.
PERSON: Oh, sure. You doing anything next weekend? We could grab some lunch.
MUFFIN: Oh no. I'm super busy that day, but you are on my Facebook, right?
PERSON: Um...
MUFFIN: *using cellphone* I just sent you a request. That'll be 1263 for me. *giggle* Oh hi, Jessica, I haven't seen you in forever. You know you are my best- *walks away*
PERSON: *shrug* Bye?

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