lidl beans

Peanuts in weak tomato sauce

Little Johnny:' what's for tea Mum?'

Mum: 'Peanuts in tomato sauce by the look of it!'

Little Johnny: 'Not Lidl beans again!!!!'

Nonce Nuggets

Werthers Originals sweets, sold in small boxes or bags. Purchased by the elderly, especially in a Petrol Stations. Great queue former, as they are usually placed right on the bottom shelf and it takes the elderly a fucking age to get up and down. Poor replacement for Simpsons travel sweets that are rarer than rocking horse shit at the moment, so much so there is no shelf space for them, great source of entertainment for an overworked and underpaid customer assistant!

“Three packs of nonce nuggets and a lucky dip for Saturday night.

“Certainly, and are you going to pay for that Daily Mail you’ve got folded under your arm or are you going to walk out with it like you did last week.?”
“Oh sorry, and by the way your forecourt is disgusting why aren’t you out in the rain sweeping up the puddles?”
“As you can see I’m on my own, and I now have a queue of 12 people, thank you so much, have a wonderful day!”