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A beverage that is also known as grog, piss, elixir of the gods, booze, smack juice (if it's McEwans and of course its Scottish but very very nice, cheers Scotland) and more importantly, it is proof that God wants us to be happy. The Belgians seem to make the best ale and beer in general although the English make some cracking ale, which along with cider is the only good booze we make because the lager in England is complete gnats piss and should be fucking banned for being that disgusting. Jocks won't even drink it and IF they won't drink it, you know its bad.
Bollocks! I seem to be in a police cell again, I need to pack the ale in. Ha jokes, what you think I am? French?
Jockanese Breakfast: Pronounced "(/dÊÉkÉnÉs/'bɹÉkfÉst/ )" is a typical Scottish dish usually served in place of a typical British fry up. It is most commonly found in the anvil of the British Empire aka Glesga aka GLASGOW and is the only thing that unites Rangers fans and Celtic fans.
A Jockanese Breakfast is like cereal in that it is eaten out of a bowl with a spoon and has that crunchyness to it. Before we get into the recipe, do not give it to any Sassanach for the English will grandslam everywhere after a few bottles of bucky It consists of:
Hundreds of 10mg Diazepam blues
Buckfast, Kestrel or Skol (or all 3 if you're a true Scotsman) in place of milk
OPTIONAL: Heroin dust but you'll be that munted from all the other shite you won't need it; besides, it is best to save it and stretch it out till dole day.
"HO, hae ye seen mah bus ticket? am needin' it tae gang tae jobcentre tae git mah bru sae ah kin git mah jockanese breakfast doon me"
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A strange land akin to Brittany full of English? Welsh? blokes in straw hats with shotguns who speak like pirates and make some cracking cider, the type that will make you go blind or mental with bits of unknown radioactive material floating about inside. No wonder why they talk to pixies; fun fact miners used to leave pieces of Cornish pasties out for the pixies until the Iron Lady fucked it up because the unions got arse on and now we import coal from every fucker else instead.
It is also a popular holiday destination for skint people up and down the country as well as a popular destination for old people to wait for time to run out on the clock. They used to speak their own language and 500 of them still do but the English fucked everything up like usual.
Hey kids, we're going on holiday to Cornwall because I'm a tight bastard.
"You mean that strange land of druids and fairies?"
No son, I don't know what the fuck you've been drinking but wait till you try some of this cider you'll be in a nut house dancing like a bellend to fidget rave music with some hippies in the middle of some cunt's field.
A cold wet miserable land north of Hadrian's wall but depending on whom you talk to, Edinburgh is not part of this great nation. (There is some truth to that as it was part of the kingdom of Northumbria back in the day hence why nearby Athelstanford is named after an English king with an English suffix) Populated by gingers who when not fighting the English are always fighting eachother over religion despite half of them not being religious whatsoever. A land known for shlte food, decent ale even though they choose bam juice instead or as I like to call it "Jock Juice"
One good thing to happen to Jockan is the oil in the north sea so the Teutchers can stop being miserable bastards now, just don't tell the yanks!
Tally ho old bean, I'm off to the capital of Jockan. The great thing is, Edinburgh's basically England anyway so hopefully I won't get pasted by a load of fenians and Teuchters. Pip pip cheerio and all that bollocks