fentanyl folding

Verb. The act of standing while barely awake after intentionally using a considerable amount of fentanyl. Individuals in the act are difficult to rouse and may wobble and lean up against objects for support as they experience their high. Most easily observed in cities with high amounts of functionally-unrestricted drug use, such as Seattle and San Francisco.

Child: Daddy, why is that man just standing there? He looks so tired!
Father: It’s impolite to stare at people! Let’s keep going and mind our own business.
Father internally: Really? Fentanyl folding? C’mon, man!

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sedead

A portmanteau of “sedate” and “dead.” A healthcare slang term describing the accidental oversedation of a patient, necessitating the employment of additional interventions to prevent significant harm.

Intercom: “Code blue, 6 northeast ICU, room 6137.”
Me: “Isn’t Karen up there today?”
Work wife: “Yeah. $50 says she sedeaded her patient again.”

concertmaster

The principal member of the first violin section; generally the most skilled violinist in any given orchestra. While technically only in charge of the first violin section, they often make executive decisions in regard to bowings and phrasing for the entire orchestra. They especially enjoy lording over the second violin section.

A great source of insecurity and angst for all concertmasters is the fact that they just weren't good enough to make it as soloists. Their oversized egos to compensate for the fact that they're really just failures inside, always looking up at what could have been if their playing was better.

While the term 'concertmaster' is generally seen as gender-neutral, the term concertmistress is occasionally used for females occupying this role.

Principal second violin: Hey, I heard they filled the concertmaster's spot with someone other than you. What do you know about this guy?

Assistant concertmaster: I heard from a mutual friend at Eastman that he hates his life because he went to Juilliard thinking he was actually going to come out a soloist. Instead, he ended up here, haha!

Principal second violin: No shocker there, but that means he's probably an arrogant, butthurt prima donna who's going to totally suck as a stand partner. I'm so sorry for you!

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Violist

Synonym for shit.

Violist: I'm a violist.
Person: You're shit.
Violist: But I'm the principal!
Person: But you're still shit.

Violist: I named my viola "Firewood."
Person: Well, at least you chose something more creative than "shit."

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