Chris Fischer

1. The father of Amy Schumer’s child

2. Conducting an act so heinous as to utterly ruin ones life

“Oh mate, I got caught for a hit and run, and it looks like I’ll be sent to jail for life. I’ve pulled a real Chris Fischer”

Or

“Oh mate, I’ve gotten the living cabbage patch doll that is Amy Schumer pregnant. I’ve pulled a total Chris Fischer”

Dawsoning

To provide an adversary with an involuntary digit in their rectum, as popularised by the late 18th century merchant-capitalist, and renowned back-door finger blaster, Ignatius Dawson

“Oh lawks and crikey, that veritable blaggard Ignatius has only gone and given my 11 year old, wheel chair bound son a bloody Dawsoning!” - William Pitt the Elder mid-way through the parliamentary east India reform debates

Porn Crackers

The state of a post-wank tissue that has been left to grow hard, crunchy, and prawn cracker-esque

Looking in his room for the shoes that Carl had borrowed from me, I found the assortment of porn crackers that he’d been leaving under his bed