in drag

Being ex-gay and married to ex-gay of the opposite sex. i.e. Pretending to be straight.

John Paulk (aka 'Candi') was in drag, poster child for 'pray the gay away', married to an ex-lesbian. Then they found him in a gay bar, and he fessed up.

16👍 29👎

first impression shirt

the shirt in your wardrobe that hangs in the closet with dust on the shoulders that waits until you need to make a good first impression

I was meeting my new boss today, so I put my sandals in the closet, got out my good shoes, some clean jeans, and my first impression shirt.

60👍 4👎

victrola

noun describing the mental state of one who does not understand, and goes silent (sometimes angling one's head like the Victrola dog)

So when I was sick of hearing her spout on about how "brilliant" her crazy friends were, I told her to shut her pie hole before I punched her in the box, and she went victrola on me. After a minute of silence, I slowed to 30 pushed her out of the car.

14👍 2👎

Crash landing

One's reaction after popping in the rental dvd for what one believes to be "Crash", Paul Haggis's hard-edged but ultimately heart-warming commentary on race relations in Los Angeles (and, thus, the world), only to find that one has accidentally rented "Crash", David Cronenberg's controversial and sexually graphic film (based on JG Ballard's controversial book) about car-crash sexual fetishism.

Pa: Ma, I do believe that woman is completely nude, and being sodomized by that man.

Ma: Pa, I do believe you are not mistaken. Oh my. (faints)

Rod Serling: What we have just seen here is a most unfortunate Crash landing. One that has sent these two hick fucks...(wait for it)...into The Twilight Zone.

39👍 5👎

clitoriolis effect

The necessity of circular motion in tonguing a woman to orgasm. (of note: in the northern hemisphere, tonguing must occur in a clockwise motion; south of the equator, tongue motion must be executed counter clockwise to achieve equal effect)

Cheryl did not come through straight intercourse. I always had to subsequently apply the clitoriolis effect to get her there.

6👍 1👎

floptimistic

In poker, unable to fold a middling hand to a large raise pre-flop.

Lon: Giannetti makes the call for a million with deuce-four suited.
Norman: I guess Giannetti is floptimistic.

4👍 2👎

Lite-Brite

A light-skinned black person. Derived from the children's toy using colorful pegs to create images on a black board of holes.

Person A: Hey, you remember Whitley from "A Different World"?
Person B: You mean Lite-Brite?
Person A: Yeah, her.

97👍 25👎