zima crowd

Yuppies, and their less educated brethren, who attempt to look "hip," "hot," and/or "with it" by drinking Zima which is supposed to be a trendy alcoholic beverage with the flavor of a wine cooler and the kick of a beer. For those who can't handle either.

I couldn't get a picher last night since the place was packed with the zima crowd still sporting their softball uniforms, along with the accompanying dirt and aroma.

impact area

1) (n) A military term. The business end of a firing range. Where all the ordnance fired, lobbed, dropped or planted does it's work. Basically every millimeter forward of the firing line. Typically contains unexploded ordnance and as such is not such a good place for a hike or picnic.

2) (n) A zone of approximately 3 feet by 5 feet in front of your boss or manager's desk.

3) (n) Anywhere in which interaction with certain people can be detrimental to your health or career.

1) The Lieutenant couldn't figure out the map again, so we ended up humping through the impact area behind the mortar range.

2) "The boss called me into the impact area today to tell me our department needs to boost throughput and reduce time to market."

3) I got off the freeway at Crenshaw and had to drive through the impact area to find a gas station.

Bud scale

1. An archaic term (preceeded by a number) to indicate the amount of beer one would need to consume prior to engaging in an carnal relationship with a given target.

The term is derived from the number of Budweisers (Buds) needed to overlook any obvious physical deficiencies.

2. Justification of self-induced beer-goggling.

1. Mr. White: Check her out man.
Mr. Blue: Nah. She's about a 6 on the Bud scale.

2. Mr. White: She looking a bit rugged
Mr. Blue: Ten says she's only a 3 on the Bud scale.

dummy cord

1) A lanyard (or leash if you prefer) applied to something you wish to keep on your person while you perform acts which may result in said object's irrevocable loss.

Ex: Tying a length of paracord to your fishing knife so if you drop it, it won't plunge to the bottom of the ocean, thereby leaving you to cut that salt encrusted bowline with your teeth.

2) The act of applying such a lanyard to your equipment.

1) "Ya got some dummy cord? I don't want to lose my compass when we jump."

2) "Dummy cord that radio for me so we don't lose it when we hit the surf zone."

Water my plants

A phrase used to imply a form or self pleasure; masturbation

The lofi music made me want to get up and water my plants.

hump rash

n) The resulting rash left between the tops of one's thighs after a prolonged hump (hike). Legs rubbing together, with the addition of an abrasive such as denim or a similar heavy fabric, removes the top layer or two of skin leaving a red, uneven, and sensitive hump rash.

Not always noticed during said hump (due to adrenaline) but becomes immediately obvious once you step into a hot shower.

Can be prevented by wearing compression shorts (Spandex) in the place of your standard undergarments (boxers or briefs).

The difference between a hike and a hump is that a hump involves carrying gear. One can hike with a day pack, a water bottle and a camera. One humps when they are carrying items of greater density such as tents, field rations, ammunition for the mortar and a rocket launcher used for destroying enemy tanks.

"We had a 20 miler yesterday and when I hit the shower I realized I was sporting a harsh case of hump rash."

turducken

1) (n) An American Thanksgiving holiday culinary grotesque: Consists of a chicken, stuffed into a duck, progressively stuffed into a turkey and baked. Provides hours of entertainment in the form of waiting for the sucker to finish cooking and enough sandwich meat to last through The Apocalypse.

2) (n) Any obese human that will set upon a buffet like a plague of locusts, stripping said buffet of all edible material, leaving only the garnish, the decorative toothpicks, and the sweaty cheese cubes from earlier in the day.

3) (n) Any plan that is unnecessarily complicated or futile. Used as a simile.

1) "Time for the Cowboys/Redskins game, is the turducken done yet?"

2) "Uh oh, better hit the foodline before turducken over there strips that bitch."

3) Jeff: "I'll be swapping out this small-block, V8 for an straight six."
Dale: "Baking up a turducken are we?"
Jeff: "What?"
Dale: "Sounds like fun."