Approaching occupational neurosis

The sense of exponential dread that occurs when one more closely nears one's workplace. If one is driving down a hill to said workplace the effect is sometimes described as Hell like.

(In a carpool on a public service ad) "What's wrong Jake? Your face has gone white."

"Look down there at the bottom of the hill and to the right!"

"OH MY GOD! IT"S THAT PLACE WE WORK!"

(A psychologist enters the ad and states paternally; "This is approaching occupational neurosis. Don't let it happen to you or anyone you care about. Resign or seek professional help immediately!"

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Ping pong ball season

Late fall, winter and early spring in the upper Midwest. The name derives from the off-white sky, horizon and ground that makes delineating the three virtually impossible. One feels that they are trapped inside of a table tennis ball.

"I can't stand this weather. Everything is coated with the same awful color."

"That's what you get this time of year in Cleveland. What did you expect? It's ping pong ball season."

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Le guillotine de la porte

The fear that one may lose a body part due to any kind of door that is perceived to be closing too quickly. The phrase is said to have originated from 18th century survivors of the French Revolution who passed their remaining days in a kind of post traumatic stress disorder and obsessing about sharp quickly closing things.

"Johnny get your hand back into this elevator, the door is about to close!"

"Mom, it is just an elevator door."

"Yeah that's what you said about the bus door this morning."

"Mom I think you have le guillotine de la porte and the stories you hear are just urban legends."

"Just get your hand out of the door."

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Reltermrat

A trendy new concision for the pathological condition known as "Relationship Termination Rationalization". This device is used by the monogamously adverse to psychologically justify breaking up with someone without having any genuinely compelling reason for doing so.

"Why'd you break up with Jill?"

"She was way too Jedi for me."

"What the Hell does THAT even Mean? I think you're just a reltermrat"

"Shut up."

"Can I ask her out then?"

"Absolutely not!"

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Unemployment ecstasy despair

The conflicting emotions one faces when one discovers that they have been terminated. First is a feeling of euphoria then dread, then mixed emotions that cycle frequently.

"John, you're fired you jackass!"

(John smiles a crooked smile)

"What's wrong with you John?"

"Unemployment ecstasy despair, boss"

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Garbage Video Toilet

The unrecognized commode that is effectively the fifth member of the 90's rock band "Garbage". The receptacle makes uncredited and inexplicable appearances in a disproportionate number of the band's videos.

"I can't believe it. This is the fifth Garbage video I've seen today and there's that pesky toilet again. WHY?"

"That's the Garbage Video Toilet. I hear the band just likes the little guy."

"They might as well give it a guitar."

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arousal repulsion cycling

What a man feels when he is alternately extremely attracted to a particular woman's unimaginably hot body but also completely disgusted by her unimaginably ugly face. This generally produces disorientation in the first few episodes but can sometimes later reshape sexual attraction as the ugly face becomes a fetish of sorts.

"Hey Jake, check out the smoking hot babe walking down the beach."

"That one walking away?"

"Oh yeah I am going to go meet her right now!"

(Moments later) "Hey baby. my name's Tony." (She turns around and Tony almost throws up. She walks away only to appear smoking hot again. The arousal repulsion cycling continues on like this all day long.)

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