Titmouse

Small, invisible rodent that leads what one imagines is an idyllic existence in the ample cleavage of beautiful ladies.

Gordon: I'd love to be Nigella Lawson's titmouse.

155👍 58👎

Shedding

Sledging with added physical abuse. However, with shedding the objective is not so much to put the victim off his stroke, but rather to reduce them to a submissive, gibbering wreck.

As well as ‘vanilla shedding’, hardcore shedders are reported to indulge in ‘ruff shedding’, which involves dressing up in period costume, and ‘gruff shedding’ where four-legged horned ruminants are added to the mix.

Steders: Shedding really gets my goat!

59👍 16👎

Wallop the donkey

Manspeak for having sex with the wife.

Some men, especially those who have been married for years, don't perceive "walloping the donkey" as a pleasure. Instead, it is seen as an onerous, unpleasant and even potentially dangerous chore. Something that needs to be done so that you can get on with enjoying life's true pleasures (i.e. televised sport and beer) in comparative peace and quiet.

Friend: Another pint, mate?
Donkey-walloper: Love to, but I've got to get home and wallop the donkey.

23👍 8👎

Doing a Rev

The act of fucking up. More correctly, the act of fucking up in a manner that is entirely predictable, widely expected and solely the fucker upper's own fault. Even more correctly, the act of fucking up in a manner that is entirely predictable, widely expected, solely the fucker upper's own fault and which lets everyone else down badly.

Adster: Oh fuckety fuck! These excellent showings just highlight how close I am to "doing a Rev". Now I find the figures I need are on a three weeks delivery.

67👍 20👎

daddy's sauce

A tasty condiment for a lady's meaty filling of choice. Traditionally served with firm bottom slapping and heavy grunting though some favour vigorous shaking instead.

Gordon the waiter: Here's you breakfast, madam
Attractive lady: Thank you
Gordon the waiter (lecherously): Do you want Daddy's sauce with that?

35👍 13👎

Spunk Drunk

A lady (sic), often a bit of a munter, who has had rather more than her fair share of meat and who'll gladly help herself to extra portions given half a chance. Easily recognizable by the glazed expression, smeared mascara and bow-legged gait.

A lady of easy virtue and questionable morals. The proverbial good time had by all.

According to Gordon, spunk drunk Brenda has fucked more men than tuberculosis

33👍 9👎

Safety Taliban

Vocal and widely despised prophet of a fundamentalist ideology whose basic tenets impose a strict ban on getting things done on time, on budget and, above all, enjoying yourself in any way, shape or form.

Gordon: You! Where's your high-visibility vest?
Innocent victim: In the raging inferno that was my office ...
Gordon: Don't give me that! The sign clearly says that high visibility clothing must be worn in this area at all times. No exceptions whatsover. The rules are the rules. They're for your own good, you know. Where would we be without any rules?
Innocent victim (sotto voce): Fucking safety taliban ...