dischner syndrome

rapid, inexplicable widespread popularity followed by a long, protracted decline in social capital, terminating in universal disdain

A.: "Dude, what ever happened to Bob Applesworthy?"

B.: "Freshman year he was the shit around here. But I don't think he has any friends anymore."
A.: "Dischner syndrome."
B.: "Totally."

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majority decision

The best excuse for stupid choices.

Chris: "So Jake, why are we going into the eerie Aztec temple before we know how to contact the park ranger?"
Jake: "Majority decision."

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alpha

n. the leader of a given fraternity. Usually seen in the frat picture wearing Lacoste shorts and shirt with a Ralph Lauren sports coat, Gucci sunglasses, and holding a cat. He is usually sweet as fuck.

"Hello, welcome to the party. I am the alpha of this fraternity." "You're sweet as fuck!" "I know."

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bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

no status

n.; the state of someone who is not sweet; someone who does not possess bro status or G status.

Guy #1: "I'm gonna do homework instead of hitting up the party."
Guy #2: "Dude...no status."

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Wilkinsburg

pron. n.; "We'll-kill-yins-burg"; a city in Pennsylvania, immediately outside of Pittsburgh's city limits. Known for being dangerously crime-infested. Has been repeatedly denied union with the City of Pittsburgh because of its awful reputation. Also has terrible public schools.

"I rode my bike through Wilkinsburg at noon and I thought I was gonna get mugged."

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straw poll

An extremely unorganized form of voting, usually used by self-appointed leaders when they don't have the desire to actually consider what the group wants but need to make it look like it was a majority decision.

Intramural captain: "Okay dudes, who can make it Monday to practice? Quick straw poll!" (two people out of thirty raise their hands)
Captain: "Monday it is!"
Guy #1: "90% didn't vote."
(Captain shoots Guy #1 in the face.)

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