Birthday Balloon

A broken condom; a sabotaged, improperly worn, expired, or defective condom.

“It’s ok if we don’t have sex tonight, I’ve been single for a long time and all I have is an old box of birthday balloons.”

“I’m here thanks to a birthday balloon.”

Essence of douschebag

Deodorant body spray.

“Ew it smells like essence of douschebag in here.”

Blow your lead

To break the tip of a pencil while writing.

“Aw shit I blew my lead, that’s the sixth time in the last hour.”
“It’s ok that you blow your lead all throughout exams, you’re just excited.”

Palm job

An action or event that invokes a facepalm response.

“Nice palm job you did this morning, how do you live with yourself?”
“Thanks for the palm job, now I feel like less of an idiot.”

3👍 6👎

Froggin

Jumping to conclusions.

“Why are you froggin, you know baby I’m a changed man.”

Selectively fondled

Hand-picked; hand-selected.

“I have eight selectively fondled warriors ready for the LARP event.”
“I selectively fondled you to be on this team.”

Regrettabilia

The thoughts, memories, and physical items that remind you of your worst moments and all the stupid, embarrassing, and regrettable things you’ve done and been.

“Don’t mention my Juggalo tattoos, that’s some regrettabilia that I’d rather not talk about.”