Shite stones

When your shits are really painful

My good sir, I appear to have a case of shite stones

Twink

Someone who is so American that they would change their name to a piece of American confectionary

Here comes that darn twink again

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Jaff

Someone who is so British that they would gladly change their name to a piece of British confectionary. It can also be used when a person interrupts a conversation with something that doesn't relate to the original conversation. The American version is a twink

Oh god here comes that jaff. Do you really have to jaff on us again?