Self-Insert Definitions

1. When dumbasses post their name with definitions, expecting millions of random strangers to just fall out of their chairs at their dumb inside joke.

2. When some pissed off dickbag misuses a platform, just so they can vent about someone they hate.

3. When some insecure fuck makes a definition of their name that's just compliments to themselves, so they can jerk themselves off to distract themselves from thoughts of how little they actually contribute to society.

I'm fucking sick of seeing these god damn self-insert definitions, everytime I go to vote. Who are you expecting to find this funny? What makes you think random strangers who don't even know what you look like are going to get this? Please for the love of god, keep your shitty self-inserts in fanfictions.

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Schrödinger's Douchebag

A buzzword thrown around in leftist spheres online built off a dumb conspiracy theory that the only reason anyone could like edgy humor is that they're secretly an evil nazi that drowns bags of puppies in a well while tweedling his comically large moustache. Citing that they only say it's a joke, when they receive backlash for it. When in reality, the vast majority of people who enjoy this brand of humor live with a mutual understanding that these are just jokes for shock value. And they aren't going to need this fact explained to them, let alone act in bad faith and make trying to explain it to them like talking to a brick wall.

"I just called you a Schrödinger's Douchebag. Checkmate, bigot."

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Bootlicker

1. A person who thinks everyone having autonomy of their own money is a nice thing, and that deadly, powerhungry dictators are a bad thing.

2. People who think judging the entire police force on the actions of a few is retarded.

Jim: "Help officer, that man stole my wallet."

Robin: "Ugh, of course you'd go to the police to protect your precious wealth, you bourgeois, bootlicker, 40% dog 1312 A CAB SHOOT..." *falls on the floor in a fit of incoherent rambling*

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Paddleballing

When a man repeatedly thrusts his groin into the air, causing his package to bounce out and come back. Similar to how a paddleball returns to the paddle, after being swung all the way out.

Male Stripper: *faces audience and begins thrusting out*

Viewer1: "Oh shit, dude. He's paddleballing!"

Viewer2: "OH MY GOD, LOOK AT IT GO!"

Viewer1: "SO HYPNOTIC!"

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let your wiener do the walking

To let your sexual-attraction to an individual hinder your judgement of them.

"You let your wiener do the walking, and now I'm dead!"
-Rick Sanchez

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Manbreathing

A term intended to satirize multiple causes which have grown popular amongst feminists in recent years that basically boil down to unfairly making men walk on eggshells, reasons and motivations for which are usually blown vastly out of proportion if not outright fabricated.

Stacey: "God Ashley, did you hear Mark during the conference, today?"

Ashley: "I know, manspreading and mansplaining is one thing, but manbreathing, Ugh! That's the worst offense men can commit! Did you know, the American Association of Uncited Statistics claims that men breathe seventy-five times the amount of air women do in a whole day?"

Stacey: "Yeah, I confronted my husband about it yesterday, asking him to stop breathing for a while to give women more air to breathe. But then, he's all like 'OH, WAAAAHHHH, I CAN'T DO THAT, I'LL DIE! WAHHHH MY WIDDWE WUNGS CAN'T GO A FEW DAYS WITHOUT THE PWECIOUS AAAAAIIIIIWWWWW! WAH!' can you believe that?"

Ashley: "That's what happens when you grow up privilleged; equality will look like oppression to you."

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Internalized Homophobia

Gay people thinking for themselves

"He just disagrees with me because he has internalized homophobia."

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