Wedge me in a door and call me Ginger

English colloquial turn of phrase regarding great, unexplainable miraculous events.

Exclamation of surprise when confronted with an astounding occurrence.

I say, Chalmers old bean, did you see that Jerry airship just explode?

Well wedge me in a door and call me Ginger, Asquith, jolly good show. What? Mind you, shame that the chap from the Royal Flying Corps didn't bail out before the fireball got him ...

pencil squeezer

Masturbator

Wanker

Onenist

Verse of Ian Dury song:

'There ain't half been some clever bastards.
Van Gogh did some eyeball pleasers.
He must have been a pencil squeezer.
He didn't do the Mona Lisa,
That was an Italian geezer'.

Also:

That rubber necked, pencil squeezer Ed Milliband couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery, let alone an effective government ...

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keek-stane

Old Scottish word for crystal ball.

Who's going to win the match tonight, Jock?

I dinnae ken. I hain't goat e fuckin keek-stane ye fuckin Sasanach bastard ye.

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