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Random
we can't just fuckin well get on with sex can we
and even kissing can give u diseases, wtf has this world come to, so now we have to have a big chunk of rubber beetween it all to stop us dieing of something that was probably fucking well made up
dosen't anyone think it's a take piss
stupid sexually transmitted disease why can't i do what i want!!!!
21π 41π
when there is two people on a pavement walking towards each other
as you and the other person are getting nearer, you start moving to the side, unfortunatly the other person is going to the same side as u, both of u then end up moving about to the other side at exactly the same time which means the obvious will happen, u end up walking into each other in an awkward hug like shape
person1: ha them 2 have just walked into each other
person2: walking retards!
1π 3π
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
man: i loved ur naked body 25 years ago, i just wanted to fuck the living shit out of u on the anniversary
woman: what u thinking now
man: looks like i did a pretty good job!!(woman slaps him while the man is pissing himself laughing!!)
8π 19π
when there is the biggest amount of pubes next to a girls pussy uve ever seen!! therefore looking like a lions mane
person1: how was that chick u banged last nite
person2: she had a massive lion mane
person1: sickage!!!
2π 8π
a bassline music artist, for u people who don't know wot bassline is, it is a type of music that us brits like, he is immense like all the other bassline artists, his music is wot v bad boys listen 2
person1: hey check out v new tune by burgaboy
person2: (listening 2 it) sweet, thats awesome lol
3π 1π
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
person1: i think my family is stressed
person2: do they have time to wait for a microwave dinner
person1: ur right then
person2: why
person1: got it from this list called top 10 signs your family is stressed
24π 21π
the clear red mark on a womans hand which tells u how heavy her shopping bags of clothes are, v redder the hands the more clothes she has bought, also works with handbags, shoes etc
my gf had a clear wag mark on her hands when she got home so i know how much clothes she's bought