shopping bitch

(n.) the guy who carries his woman's merchandise around a store; nothing screams whipped louder; female response to being told to make a sammich.

Guy 1- "So I saw you and Lindsey at the store. Hope those shoe boxes weren't too heavy, haha!"
Guy 2- "Shut up, man!"
Guy 1- "Dude, she made you her shopping bitch! You are too whipped for words!"

Guy- "Hey baby, can you come here? Now go make me a sammich!"
Girl- "Did you just say that, little man? Go be my shopping bitch, or it's no sex for a year!"

62👍 22👎

Florida Surprise

when you pull out from some head to stop from cumming, but proceed to blow your wad all over her face anyway: mutual surprise ensues, as you thought you just needed a quick break.

Dan: "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh no! Cindy, stop! I'm gonna cum!"
*yahtzee*
Cindy: "What? Come on Dan, what the fuck! All over my face?"
Dan: "Sorry darling, it was a Florida Surprise!"

46👍 19👎

limbering for timbering

(v.) doing exercises, often crunches or push ups, before sex in order to look marginally more fit; to do a warm up routine in preparation for raucous sex.

Girl 1- "Isn't Mike coming over?"
Girl 2- "Yeah!"
Girl 1- "Then why are you doing crunches?"
Girl 2- "I'm just limbering for timbering. It's gonna get rough tonight, plus I want to burn some flab."

55👍 6👎

falsebook

(n.) a fake Facebook account that you make for friends who either deleted theirs or refuse to get one.

Guy 1: "This is fuckin' perfect! Whoever made a falsebook for Brian, mad props! The only thing is you have to put TWILIGHT as his favorite movie, TOOL as his favorite band, and list his sexual preference as interested in MEN!!! He's gonna be so pissed when he finds out about this falsebook! Fuck yeah!!! Wooooo!!!"

77👍 11👎

hamburger hassle

(n.) the verbal abuse you get from the annoying friend who always spots that you have a hickey on your body and proceeds to tell everyone.

Guy 1- "Wow, Dave! Nice hickey!
Guy 2- "Shut up, dude. It's not that visible."
Guy 1- "Bullshit man, you need to start feeding that poor girl! SHE HUNGRY! Hey, look at Dave's hickey, everybody!!!"
Guy 2- "T.J., why are you giving me such a hamburger hassle, man? You jealous?"

231👍 35👎

keybored

(n.) the frustration of waiting for someone that sucks at typing to finish writing something on a computer.

Guy 1- "Did Stan email the prof about the project."
Guy 2- "Yeah, it took like 20 minutes because he was chicken pecking the shit out of the keys! Honestly, I could have written it in 3!"
Guy 1- "Shit. You must have been pretty keybored, bro!"

81👍 15👎

'Crattitude

(n.) the attitude, typically piss poor, assumed by any foolish individual drinking Aristocrat Vodka, aka 'Crat.

Guy 1- "Did Keith just bong a solo cup of 'Crat?"
Guy 2- "Yeah, I wish he hadn't too, he gets a bad 'Crattitude from drinking that shit!"

248👍 70👎