lifeguard

Person at a party designated to remain sober and handle any activities the extreme state of intoxication of the other party guests render them unable to perform. Activities such as working the TV and/or DVD player, ordering drunk food, collecting car keys, cleaning up food/discarded clothing/spilled beer/vomit, preventing (or breaking up) fights, and talking to the police/security/neighbors.

A person whose job it is to facilitate a good time while at the same time preventing people from ending up in either jail or the hospital.

A secondary function of the lifeguard is to provide a supplement to facebook memory by providing a coherent record of the events of the party to everyone else the following morning. Thus providing guests with a person to whom they can pose the question "What the fuck did I do last night?"

Nick: "Who's lifeguard tonight?"
Jay: "Greg's got it"

Nick: "I'm jonzing for some fuckin' wings"
Jay: "dude, get the lifeguard to order some"

Nick: "What the fuck did I do last night?"
Lifeguard: "You tried to jump off the fucking balcony 'cause you thought you could fly"

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