Cleethorpes

A smacked up place that the Yorkies adore, got fuck all here for you except people asking you where the best coke is. Don’t forget the finest prostitutes straight out of the sex clinic are located right here, if you want a good time with an STD lucky dip, get your horny arse to Clee. Don’t worry though, they will take anything - chips, kfc, 20 packs of jps or a giffgaff top up! If you’re looking for a nice homey seaside don’t come here, it’s a dirty river full of used condoms and everyone’s piss. Fancy a late night hike? Around cleethorpes, you can see our finest attractions! These include; crackhead corners where they itch like a bitch and beg you for 20p, finest chinese with every breed of dogs used, foreigners who taxi you about for a shocking price, who cook your chicken until it’s pink for a shocking price and an upset stomach - youre favourite! Let’s not forget pleasure Isla — nevermind she’s skint..but anyways come to cleethorpes if you wanna step on dirty needles on the av, contract diseases from our famous prozzys or more!

Just remember to always tick your drugs here bc nobody’s hard here!

Tourist: Oh I’m so happy to be at Cleethorpes. It seems so good!
11 year old boy: Ayo wagwan g , you got any fags for me fam , safe g
42 year old prozzy: if you buy me a giffgaff top up, 20 fags and a £10 wilko gift card, I’ll let you spunk on my face
Winos out in society: *sniffing coke*

Bouncers: *choking out every fuck* ZERO CHILL