pulling pigtails

The act of harassing, insulting, or physically hurting someone because you are secretly attracted to them, in the manner of a grade school boy pulling the pigtails of a girl he has a crush on.

Naw dude, she hella wants your cock. She was just pulling your pigtails when she said you're a thumbdick little bitch.

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nice guy syndrome

An exasperating social condition. Archetypically, the sufferer is a straight male with lots of female friends, but who cannot get a date or get laid to save his life. This is because every woman he meets, he befriends, and then when he tries to advance out of the 'friend zone' into 'boyfriend territory', he gets a speech to the effect of "I can't sleep with you, you're such a good friend, I don't want to risk our friendship". Typically, the rejecting female friend will then date/fuck other men who are total douchebags, then bitch and moan about them at length to their platonic male friends. Chances are, most of these platonic male friends are either gay, or straight and secretly furious that that mongoloid cracker homunculus fuck gets to fuck her, when he is clearly inferior in every way.

"I have lots of hot female friends, and none of them like me 'that way'. I have nice guy syndrome and I'm not even all that nice."

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tight like a tiger

A superlative level of tightness.

"Shelly finally gave it up, dude!"

"Holy shit, how was it?"

"It was SO fucking tight. It was tight like a tiger, man."

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need some tissues

Verb. To be in a situation where bodily fluids, typically but not necessarily semen, are in urgent need of cleaning up.

"He's got three stacks of Playboys in his room? Man. He's gonna need some tissues."

"Fuckin hell dude, I'm coming down with that killer cold that's been going around. I'm really gonna need some tissues."

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sounds like autotune

Adjective. Used to describe blatantly overprocessed vocals on recordings, or in a more general sense, as a disparaging description of any and all aspects of overproduced records. Refers to a popular pitch-correcting plugin for Pro Tools digital recording systems.

"Someone tell Britney her voice sounds like autotune."

"Dude, could they have compressed the rhythm guitar a little more? This sounds like autotune, man!"

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freestyle loafing

A sport in which the only goal is to sit around in the most comfortable position possible. This sport is well complemented by smoking weed.

"What are you going to do after work?"

"I'm gonna go home and do some freestyle loafing. It's gonna be tight."

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knife around

To not do anything of particular significance. Can range from running miscellaneous errands around town to doing household chores to freestyle loafing.

"Hey, what are you up to?"

"Oh, just knifin around."

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