Bravo Love

Two men eating opposite ends of a single Taco Bravo until they meet in the center and things get weird. (Lady and the Tramp style).

Sarah: Did you see Jack and John pounding the same Taco Bravo at lunch today?
Jayme: I did, but no worries, they’re really close. Some serious Bravo Love going on there.

Blue Apron

A food delivery service that deals almost exclusively in raisins, almonds, and vinegar. If it’s not sour and crunchy, it’s not Blue Apron.

Look at your hand? Nothing in it? Well, look at your other hand. You may be surprised to find $10 dollars in this hand. What to do? What to do? If you’re feeling hungry, you may be in luck because that $10 dollars can go a long way toward your next meal of choice. Heck, you can head on down to the local Qdoba and nom nom through a delicious double steak bowl with a side of chips and queso with 10 whole dollars. No one would knock you for making that choice, but you have another choice. You could choose to take that 10 dollars and have a combination of raisins, almonds, and vinegar delivered right to your door as many times a week as your little heart desires! This way you can take it upon yourself to cook up a nice, sour, grool after having spent that last 12 hours in the miserable hell hole you call a job. Blue Apron is the perfect excuse to don an apron, sharpen up those knives you got 10 years ago at your wedding, and dirty up every pot and pan in the house.

Here’s some excellent Blue Apron recipes:
1. Raisin and almond patties with a nice vinegar dipping sauce.
2. Raisin and almonds frozen in vinegar ice cubes to chill a nice glass of straight vinegar.
3. Raisin and almond kabobs(toothpicks not provided) grilled with a vinegar glaze.
4. Raisin/almond shooters with a vinegar base.

hatemeal

When your meal doesn’t go as planned, for one reason or another, so you angrily plow your way through the food for the shear nourishment. Hatemeal is often the result of a failed recipe, poor cooking technique, or even poor dinner company.

Cody: I just watched a guy storm around the corner and throw a frozen dinner in the microwave. He slammed the Cook button, then the 6, then Start button and then stormed off. The microwave ran for 6 seconds...

Chris: That's too good. His anger should be able to heat the dish thoroughly when he returns in 5 minutes 54 seconds and realizes what he had done (or doesn't realize and blames it on the microwave).
I'm jealous I didn't get to witness that. Video?

Cody: It all happened so fast. He was like the Flash. What makes it funnier is that I watched the keystrokes and I still couldn't stop him before he had blazed off. What make him think that he's gonna have time to eat if he can’t even take the time to cook the food properly?

Chris: Ha. No kidding.

Cody: He seems stressed and this failure surely didn't help, but this will be a good lesson for him. It’s totally within the realm of possibility that he just ate it "as is". Just angrily crunched his way through his icey lunch. That'll teach em.

Chris: Hatemeal. Could be an Urban Dictionary entry.

Cody: Ah! good idea. My creative juices are not flowing in this vanilla environment though. I may have Darren get on that one.

Darren: Done.

DTC

Acronym for “Down To Churro”. Ready and willing to consume a deep-fried pastry whether it be firm, thin and short (Cinnamon Version) or soggy, long and thick (Oreo Version) from Taco Johns. A person is DTC when they succumb to the pressure of eating at Taco John’s even if it’s only for the Churro. Being DTC doesn’t necessarily dictate that one must eat any other food there. One must be careful when DTC as the act of de-gloving and consuming such a sweet, phallic-like, food will often subject the person to compromising photography. Said opportunities are often seized by colleagues, chuckle-heads, and trolls named “Darren” to create Photoshop gold and write songs titles applicable to the situation.

Shawn: “Has anyone listened to the new album by Churreo Speedwagon?”
Darren: “Nope. How is it?”
Shawn: “Full of smash hits such as:”
“Pour Some Churro’s On Me”
“Live and Let Churro”
“American Churro”
“You Churro’d Me All Night Long”
“Mo’ Churros, Mo’ Problems”
“Churro On, Churro On”

Darren: Sounds like a winner! What inspired the album?
Shawn: Someone must have been seriously DTC and got caught. Leads to all sorts of shenanigans.

Darren: No doubt. No doubt.

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Trolling and Vino

The perfect hump day combination for provocateurs and pranksters. No Wednesday night is complete without the needless, drunken, badgering of one’s adversaries via social media.

Betsy: What are we doing tonight, honey? She’s asks….already knowing the answer
Darren: “It’s Wednesday.” Spoken with a sarcastic tone and a hint of disbelief
Betsy: “and….” Her eye’s roll
Darren: “A little Trolling and Vino”
Besty “Aren’t you getting a little old for this kind of behavior?”
Darren sip. click, click, click, click… #GrotesqueMonsterWife badgering me again. Mean meme forthcoming. #DarrenBesertMemeMachine #BestedByBesert #MonetizeTheMemes

Costa Rica Moment

That moment when you plan a trip to Costa Rica, but fail to ask someone to cover your work responsibilities so you can’t go. Your failure is exemplified by the fact that you got down and dirty to get your colleagues to cover for you and you still failed. Despite appealing to everyone’s good nature, offering favors and even hot sex if they would cover, everyone turned you down. Now the entire office refers to every office faux pas as a “Cost Rica Moment” just to spite you.

RR: How’s it going today guys?
DB: Just took my first deuce in three day’s and flooded out the bathroom. I didn’t fess to it, but everyone knew it was me. I guess it’s just another “Costa Rica Moment”
JK: We’ve all been there.

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Starfox Neck

The neck pain and stiffness resulting from craning ones neck backwards in order to play Starfox 64 on those elevated TV’s at Wal-Mart in 1997.

The year is 1997, I’m 10 years old and obsessed with Starfox 64. I have an N64, but money is tight and my birthday is months away leaving me no choice but to continue to accompany mom to Wal-Mart so I can play the demo game in the electronics department. She would tell me to meet her at the checkout in 20 minutes, but once I hit the start button, time turned into some arbitrary construct worthy only of being ignored. I was frequently shaken out of my Starfox stupor 3/4th of the way through the story-line to an angry mom and a nasty case of Starfox Neck. Come June, I received my own copy of Starfox 64 and the condition was never experienced again.

I still play StarFox 64 on occasion and it remains one of my favorite games. I have medal’d every level, but accomplished little else worthy of note in my life.