posh wank

To masturbate having first gone to the trouble of donning a condom.

The idea being that the extra time, effort, financial investment and ceremony involved separate this from a base, brutal or "lower" wank - the ocassion suggested by wearing a condom would usually only arise in company, and more specifically for pentrative sex with a special other.

i wasn't going to see lisa for 4 days, and i had the time and felt like spoiling myself, so i dressed the old chap up and had a posh wank.

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lad lard

The happy yet fattening substance yeilded by milking a young man. Also see boy butter, man mayonnaise, hot fish yoghurt, (the battle of) bollock-lava.

When she emerged from the night-club toilets, her boyfriend noticed that her lip-gloss, though previously strawberry flavoured, now had the pier-stanchion tang and subtle greasiness of lad lard. She seemed also slightly cross-eyed.