Jackstrapolate

A portmanteau of “jack off” and “extrapolate.” The opposite of "jerkterpolate."

To imagine what an attractive younger woman will look like once she hits her prime, for purposes of masturbation.

Me: “Yo, check out that chick over there.”
Him: “Yo, but she’s too young!”
Me: “Don’t worry! I jackstrapolated her age. I’m gonna whack off to what she’ll look like in a few years.”

Arctic Blitz

A method of cooling off on a muggy day, where your partner spreads your butt cheeks and blows cool air into your anus, much like an oscillating fan. If you’re a man, your partner may then cool down your testicles. If you’re a woman, expect the outside edges of your vagina to be arctic blitzed as well. The name originates from the equally refreshing Gatorade flavor.

It was 90 degrees out and we spent all day at the pool. I came home and showered but still felt too clammy in the pants to get in bed. Fortunately, my girl gave me an arctic blitz until she was lightheaded from oxygen deprivation. She told me I could return the favor some other time.

Jizzticulate

A portmanteau of “jizz” and “gesticulate.”

To jack off to the point of coming, at which point the hand follows the jizz stream outward and away from the body, resembling a wildly emphatic gesture similar to that of an Italian or Jewish grandmother.

When my girl got up to put her clothes back on, I incredulously jizzticulated that she hadn't even licked my asshole yet.

Jerkterpolate

A portmanteau of “jerk off” and “interpolate.” The opposite of "jackstrapolate."

To imagine what an attractive older woman would look like in her prime, for purposes of masturbation.

Me: “Yo, check out that broad.”
Him: “Yo, but she’s maaad old!”
Me: “Yeah, but you can tell she was hot like 20 or 30 years ago. I jerkterpolated her age. I’m gonna whack off to her much younger self later today.”