the berkeley beast

he goes by many names, gus, penjamin, chief rizz, and most importantly the berkeley beast.

as the name suggests, he has perfected the art of rizzing berkeley baddies. his pronoun game has been called the miracle on ice, the rumble in the jungle, and andre 3000 if he did not leave the biz.

no one is safe near the berkeley beast. if you are with your girl keep an eye out for the berkeley beast. signs that he is nearby are strong zaza scent and women falling on the ground. if you observe these signs, put a blindfold on your girlfriend and spin her at least 10 times, that way she will be disoriented and confused, improving your odds of fleeing the scene without emotional damage.

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR GIRL UNATTENDED WHEN THE BERKELEY BEAST IS IN THE VICINITY.

friend: was that your girl i saw near the bathroom?

guy: yeah, she left a minute ago.

friend: are you crazy?! don't you know the berkeley beast is in the house??

guy: the berkeley who...

friend: it's too late now, we should leave.