Chive

A euphemism for nearly any act. Similar to the use of "smurf" in the eponymous cartoon, but used sparingly. Inspired by thechive.com and their "Keep Calm and Chive On" slogan.

"We're out of munchies. I'm gonna chive on down to the store and stock up."

"Dude, that stripper was so hot, I think I chived in my pants."

"I chived the comment section so hard, they banned me."

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up your ass & to the left

A dismissive way to answer someone annoying you for help, or just to be an asshole. Especially useful at work.

"Where can I find the foot-long dildos?" "Up your ass & to the left."

"Did you get that memo from the staff meeting?" "Yeah, it's up your ass & to the left."

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namastay

Voicing one's decision to not go out for the evening. Not to be confused with the overused and misunderstood "namaste."

"You going to Dave's party tonight? Should be a good one."
"Namastay.Got Netflix and pizza."

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Allahu Snackbar

When severe munchies start, it's time to hit the fridge/snack food aisle/Taco Bell with the ferocity of a terrorist trying to buy the affection of his/her imaginary friend in the sky. Allahu snackbar is the declaration of intention in such a scenario.

"Dude, is the blunt done?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I'm 'bout to 9-11 your fridge. ALLAHU SNACKBAR!"

Although his friends agreed that it was their favorite moment of the road trip, Steven realized that yelling "ALLAHU SNACKBAR!" in the McDonald's drive-thru was not the smartest idea he'd ever had.

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mushroom-bruise

A bruise, in the shape of a mushroom, obtained by being slapped with a large penis or penis-like object.

"Dude, I can't believe you goin' out with the new girl from accounting!"
"I'm gonna mushroom-bruise her ass, just for you. Just watch -- she won't be sittin' straight for a week."

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Mormon hole

Any hole, crack, fold, or flap on a woman's body other than her vagina. Since premarital sex is forbidden for Joseph Smith sycophants, they will often use the rationalization that only penis + vagina = sex, and anything else is fair game.

Betty didn't want to upset Baby Jesus, so she would only let her boyfriend put his penis a Mormon hole -- he liked her mouth and armpit best.

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Sriracha moustache

The result of sex with a menstruating woman, then wiping your penis on her face.

"Dude, your sister's a freak. She asked me to give her a sriracha moustache. I had to look it up. I mean, I did it, but still..."

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