Rural Dictionary

daily mail

1. Snobbish and obsessed with 'proper diction'

2. Obsesses over royalty, members of the aristocracy, and the upper classes in the same way that the Sun obsesses over Z-list celebrities and WAGs

3. Home to Richard Littlejohn, a self-satisfied prick who can't spell the name of the Iranian president and therefore refers to him as President I'madinnerjacket; insists upon spelling things phonetically to make himself feel superior; scaremongers over: taxes, Gordon Brown, so-called 'political correctness' and the apparent failures of the UK police force; displays clearly bigoted views yet claims not to be racist

4. Home to Amanda Platell, who is clearly a female misogynist and hates Natasha Kaplinsky, presumably purely because, despite her many flaws, she isn't a moon-faced, woman-hating cow who writes for a tabloid rag

5. Home to a whole host of prejudiced idiots whose parents were probably Daily Mail readers and members of the National Front; they should be sat down and told that not all immigrants want to kill them, and no immigrants want their job. In fact, NOBODY wants their job.

6. Actually believed that bird flu was going to wipe out half the world; believed the same about every single so-called epidemic before it; predicts The End Of The World every other month, whether it be by asteroid, epidemic or nuclear war

7. Read by impressionable fools who base their own opinions on the Daily Mail's bullshit

8. Has an on-off feud with The Times; hates The Independent, Polly Toynbee, Tony Blair, and, surprisingly, David Cameron, because he does not subscribe to their particular brand of Right-wing politics; disdains the Sun, the Daily Star, the Mirror and the News of the World despite being only one rung above them (purely because their page 3 happens not to have a topless woman on it); sister paper to the Daily Express

9. Believes everybody should have a job, regardless of illness, is under the impression that depression is not a valid illness and that anybody on benefits is Leeching Off the Welfare State and Stealing Taxpayer's Hard-Earned Money

10. Obsessed with Taxpayer's Money and the fact that they are taxpayers

11. Obsessed with hating speeding fines and speed cameras

12. Has to have an article EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY about 'PC gone mad', purely to further its BNP-loving, homophobic, racist, Islamophobe agenda

13. Constantly self-publicises, telling its readers that it has won another award or that one of its precious 'campaigns' have made the world a better place. Fond of saying 'as we always said' or 'as the Daily Mail has said from the start'

14. Believes date rape and marital rape are completely acceptable, and that all women should join the Submissive Wives movement

15. Exaggerates everything

Daily Mail headlines:

"MUSLIMS ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL BY UNLEASHING BIRD FLU INTO THE AIR!!1 AND THEN THEY WILL STEAL OUR JOBS!!1"

"The Queen is awesome!"

"I am Richard Littledick and EVERYTHING IS BAD AND WRONG and I am a ridiculous, reactionary, pathetic buffon!!1"

"I'm Amanda Platell and I hate all women but ESPECIALLY NATASHA KAPLINSKY!!1"

"Everybody but us sucks"

"GET A JOB! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE HOOKED UP TO A VENTILATOR!"

"We r taxpayers, hurr hurr"

"Speeding cameras ARE SO CRAP!!1"

"Look; it's PC gone mad! A man was ARRESTED for beating up a Muslim! The horror!"

"WE WIN @ LIFE! LOOK, AN AWARD FOR MOST HOMOPHOBIC NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR!!!!!1!!!!1!!"

"Shut up about being raped and make my tea"

"THE TRAUMA OF BEING STOPPED FOR SPEEDING!!!1!!

by Dickface Faceofadick May 12, 2007

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