Dildo baby

A feminine child, not quite a teen annoying their father on a beach trip.

Child: it’s too hot on the beach.
Dad: go take a dip in the sea ya Dildo Baby

Possum pads

The gentle, soft mitts of a desk jockey.

Dathan: Earl strokes my wang with the gentility of a bard.
Cletis: No duh, that pudwhacker anoints his clutches with Udder Crème. Earl had supple possum pads.

Cunt Puncher

The glans of the wang while looking quite turgid resembling a pugilists gloved fist.

Mema: Glenn take your Viagra, I’m in the mood for a whoopie session.
Glenn: No thanks, I fed my cunt puncher to the Dyson just 5 minutes prior to your bizarre request.